Dr Louise Newson [00.00] Hello. I'm Dr Louise Newson, and welcome to my podcast. I'm a GP menopause specialist and founder of the free balance app. My mission: to break the taboos around women's health and hormones, shining a light on the issues we've been too afraid to talk about, from contraception, sex and testosterone to menopause related addictions and beyond. We're covering it all. I'll also be joined by experts and inspiring guests, sharing insights and real stories, as well as answering your questions and tackling the topics that matter to you the most. 

Dr Louise Newson [00.44 ] On my podcast today I’ve got Fats timbo who is a creator, comedian and author, she has achondroplasia and it’s affected her in many ways, but she’s turned it into something very positive, her whole life actually is really positive. Her book is in entitled ‘Main Character Energy’ and there’s so much energy coming off her, we talk a lot about how to face challenges, how to be the best version of yourself. It’s a great episode and so many things we can learn from

Dr Louise Newson [01.13] So, very excited that you’re here today. So Fats is a creator, a comedian and an author, soon to be paperback, but this is, I couldn't put it down, actually, when I read it, but we will talk about it. But it's great that you're here, and there's lots to talk about. I was really, like when I was reading your book. I felt sad and happy, I felt negative and positive. I had loads of emotions going around, and that's probably how you spent a lot of your life. Is that fair to say?  

Fats Timbo [1.42 ] Oh, yeah, oh yeah, and that’s, just how you described reading the book, that's literally how I feel everyday. Sometimes I can just be sad about when I go outside people looking at me, and then I go to a space where I'm loved and cherished. I feel great, I feel happy. I embrace myself, and I think sharing the highs and lows of my life was super important because I didn't want to sugarcoat anything. On social media everyone shows the highlights of their life and the best side of themselves, and for me, I think I wanted to let my followers know that there's another side to me. There's a story behind me, there’s a reason why I am resilient, there’s a reason why I have a relatable humour, because I go through things, and I shed humour about it. I also talk about advocacy as well. So, I think it was important to highlight those things in my book and inspire others to overcome their adversities.

Dr Louise [02.49] Because everyone has got some sort of adversity. Everyone's got something that isn't liked by others, but often you can't see it. You know, when you've got a difference, whatever it is, people want to try and find fault in it, rather than it being a superpower or something that even identifies you or makes you who you are. And I think it's, you know, it takes a long time for us to realise that. You've realised it a lot quicker than most of us, I think. But even you know, when you were when your mum was pregnant, like she was told something really awful, wasn't she?

Fats Timbo [03.23] Yeah, she was told that at six months precisely, that I'd either have Down syndrome or dwarfism. Do you want to abort your baby? And at this point, my Mum was devastated she was upset, but she had already fallen in love with me and she was quite fearless in the sense that whatever happened, whatever it was, what was going on with her. She was like, do you know what? I'm gonna see it through, and I'm not gonna listen to the doctors. I'm gonna love this baby no matter what, which I've always felt from her. No matter how angry she gets at me sometimes. She's always loved me, like fully, and she loves all their children, she’s got five kids, and you know, she's always said, I wanted you, I didn't care what anyone said. I wanted you as my child, So.

Dr Louise [04.24] Which is so important, and didn't she make the right decision? You know, I you know you've got Achondroplasia, but it's not a disability that means that people have to terminate.  

Fats Timbo [04.35] Yes, that's the thing, and that's what's quite sad as well. Because why was it a thing to maybe terminate me because I have Achondroplasia? It doesn't mean, it's only my height that is affected, in my body.

Dr Louise  [04.55] It doesn't affect your brain.  

Fats Timbo [04.56] It doesn’t at all. It doesn’t affect my brain, it just affects the instructions to say how big I  should grow, basically, So, but it's not a reason to terminate a baby, so I think my mum had that same thought, and she thought, maybe as well if I do have Down syndrome, that's another reason. Like, okay, might have a few learning difficulties, but she said that, you know, she'd seen people with learning difficulties, and they were fine, so.

Dr Louise [05.25] And still very much loved as well. I went to boarding school, actually when I was nine, but one of the people in my house had achondroplasia. But when we started, I was, we were all small, you know, we were nine, and so, like, it was no big deal, like she was the same height as us, you know what I mean? And what's really interesting in, you know, boarding school, you're you just live and breathe everything together. And we just grew at different rates, different pace, and it was just not an issue. It wasn't an issue at all, you know. And then being medical, nothing's an issue, because I've seen all sorts of conditions, all sorts of things, and it's interesting when suddenly you look externally and people say, well, what is achondroplasia? What does it mean? And you know, when Charlie and the Chocolate Factory came out with, you know, the oompa Loompa’s and people, you know, then thinking, actually, they are completely normal people like, what's the big deal? And it's great, actually, that, you know, people understand more and are talking more, but there's still, I mean, I don't need to tell you, you still must get this. Oh, Shall I talk down to her because she's smaller, like, what the hell?  

Fats Timbo [06.27] Yeah honestly I get that a lot, I think as well with Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, the thing, I guess it was a positive to show that we are human but at the same it was a negative for me because um that’s all people had reference to, and it was so annoying, being born in a world, where that's the only reference people have of your condition. So I was always being, I was always mocked, I was always being made fun out of.

Dr Louise  [06.57] Were you? Because of the film, really?

Fats Timbo [07.00] Yeah yeah, so people would refer to me as an Oompa Lumpa.

Dr Louise Newson [07.01] Oh my gosh, no, I hadn't thought about that. I was just thinking like people can see that there's actors that are really good, but it's they spin it, don't they?  

Fats Timbo [07.08] But people spin it a negative thing and it’s, yeah frustrating, and exhausting basically sometimes so as a child, I have no control in that, I can’t - that's something that you saw on TV and that's put out there and you're referring to me as that so, yeah

Dr Louise [07.28] That's like saying, you know, I've got brown hair, therefore everyone with brown hair has a certain way of talking or thinking like it's just rubbish, just like, but that's why social media, the work that you're doing, empowering people, normalising something that is actually a normal variant, which is what achondroplasia, in my mind, is, it is a variant of something that you know, it's it's not a big I'm not putting you down, but it's not a big deal. The biggest deal is that you've had the most incredible life, your parents, like I would love to meet them, the way that your mum, just explain when she, like, cooked a meal for your dad.

Fats Timbo [08.04] Yep, yeah, my parents are the best, like my dad, he, whenever he goes to an event, he has to be the most snazziest person, he has to. He's like, yeah, like, I look good. I know, he's that kind of person, you'll tell him he looks good, and he'll be like, Yeah, I know. I know because that's my aim. But I like that confidence, and that's the kind of confidence I think I've got from him, because you know, he doesn't care to like, not stand out. He wants to stand out, you know.

Dr Louise Newson [08.37] What a great way to be though

Fats Timbo [08.39] He’s not afraid to be standing out and be that person who will talk to people about things you know, like being a ward manager, people rely on you, people want your opinion, like they respect your decisions. Every time he comes over, because he works abroad, he's like, this needs to be done. This needs to be done. I’m like oh dad, you know, he's got high expectations. So, that's kind of how I've lived my life, in a way, having high expectations of myself, seeing things through, pushing through, and when something negative would happen, like, I'd get upset about a comment, or, you know, he, he'd say, look at you. You are a superstar. You know, you'd always tell me that he's like, no one could take that away from you. So, being raised with that kind of mindset really helps me as a person and helps me as someone with achondroplasia.

Dr Louise [09.35] And your mum's quite sassy, so she cooked him a meal, and then that's it. They carried everything together, didn't they?  

Fats Timbo [09.40] Yeah, she is a sassy woman. She was like I was gonna cook him food, and I was gonna find a place to stay, (laugh) cus during those times it was tough, you come to the country, you have no plan, but you just want a better life for yourself, so what can you do? You meet this man, you know he likes you. Seems to like you and your food, what you gonna do?  So yeah, it’s funny how my dad said she cooks and never left.

Dr Louise Newson [10.08] Which is great isn’t it, I think it’s brilliant. So, but you know, my dad used to say it's better to be looked at than overlooked and that's right, isn't it  

Fats Timbo [10.18] Absolutely. Because, you know, a lot of people are afraid to stand out. One of my commandments is to not be afraid to stand out basically, everyone wants to fit in, but they don't want to stand out, but it's okay to because you can inspire others to speak up for the unheard. You know, I talk about rising above. It took me a long time to speak out about how I feel about things because I really wanted to have friends. I wanted to impress people. I didn't want to give reasons for people to be upset with me. So, I would just kind of appease people, the wrong people sometimes. But now I'm like, me, that's fine. I like me, my family like me, and that's all that matters.

Dr Louise [11.10] And now your fiancé as well.  

Fats timbo [11.12] And my fiancé loves me, so.

Dr Louise Newson [11.15] But I mean, you're young, you've learned all these things quite quickly. I'm, like, nearly double your age, and it's taken me years to realise that, and whether it's just because you're so great with social media that you learning, because I do think you learn quicker on social media. You learn how people hate you quicker on social media, you get that instant reward or abuse, depending on, but it does take a while to have that confidence and inner strength and not be changed, because I think it's so easy now for people to be molded and changed into a certain person or a certain personality or a certain way of dressing. So I'm maybe, is it your parents? Is it? What is it that's made you sort of think so maturely, so quickly, really?

Fats Timbo [12.00] I think, it has to be the treatment that I've received throughout my whole life because of my achondroplasia that's definitely made me, or forced me to like myself, because if I didn't, then I would listen to the people that hate me or the people look at me funny, I've had to find that inner strength to find a way to like myself because I didn’t for a long time. I was very depressed. I was, really, I didn't like life. I hated waking up and just going outside, I had a fear of that, because I knew the reaction I would get, and then that would instantly bring my mood down. And then when I started reading self-help books to find a way to change that, because I, after a while, I just knew that this is the body I'm in. This is the body I'm in. There's nothing I can do. I can only like myself. I want to like myself the way my dad likes himself. That's how I wanted to, that’s how I saw it you know. So, I was trying to find ways to be happy, to like myself, to respect myself, and reading those like reading The Secret and manifesting that self-love for myself, really, really did help. And I think if I didn't have my condition where I would have to find acceptance and find it in the wrong places, then I wouldn't have learned to accept myself so quickly, I think.

Dr Louise [13.39]  It's really important, and I do think, as a woman, we tend to put ourselves down more. We're looking out for other people. Often, this is generalisation, but women are sort of wired that way, and we are more negative. And certainly, you know, the work that I do with seeing people with hormonal changes there’s lots of women who really have spent a lot of times feeling very inward, very down, their focus is on their children, and then they have more hormonal changes. They become perimenopausal or menopausal, and everyone's saying, oh, it's because you can't cope with your life because you're working full time, you've got three children, you've got a parent that you might need to look after, it’s like hang on. No, don't make them feel worse about themselves. Actually, try and work out what the problem is, and in many cases, it's due to changing hormones. But also like, how can we give ourselves tools where we are the best version of ourselves, that we love each we love others, but we love ourselves, and it's taken me a lot of time to just be more selfish, to actually think, no, you know, we have to start the love from within, and your book is very important at getting that out. And in fact, my oldest daughters got these little notes to say, tell yourself you love, like, be really positive and and it's great, you know, smile at yourself in the mirror, like look at yourself and, and years ago, my mother in-law, she's very positive. She's great to be around. But she said I was dressed for dinner, and she was a dress designer, so she even when she writes, she remembers the colour of the dress and the buttons, because, you know, in the bag that she had, and she said I was going down for dinner, and I got this picture of this woman, and I was like, gosh, who's she? She looks amazing. Then I realised it was a mirror, and it was me. She was like, and we were just laughing, because she's just written her memoirs. And we were like, gosh, Kay. Like you were always so like, yes. And when someone says, oh, that's a nice outfit, she'll say, yes, it is, isn't it? Rather than I would go, are you sure? Do you really like it? You know? And I think actually having that doesn't that make you feel better about yourself.  

Fats Timbo [15.40] It does it does, I think a lot of people need to practice positive self-talk. It's so natural to be negative because not everything is perfect, we're in a very imperfect world with imperfect people. So, it takes effort to find things that are positive and things that we are grateful for, but once you start seeing the positives in things, especially in a negative situation, it kind of lightens the mood. It kind of makes you feel like, okay, do you know what not everything's the end of the world. You know, you're trying every single day. Life is exhausting sometimes, but you gotta give props to yourself sometimes, like I work hard today, I deserve something, maybe a Dubai chocolate, who knows. I like to treat myself, but, yeah, I think it's even the hormonal changes in terms of when, like, let's say, before your period starts, I find life so agitating, I find everyone agitating around me, and I feel that everyone avoids me like the plague at my house and then my period comes and I'm like, Oh, yeah, yeah, that thing, you know? Why? Why is it a thing to get angry and negative before your period starts?

Dr Louise [17.08] It's so common! So have you heard of PMS (pre-menstrual syndrome)?  

Fats Timbo [17.12] Yes

Dr Louise [17.13] So about 95% of women, IE all women, have some PMS. But what happens, I don't know if you remember any sort of charts you use would have used, maybe in biology classes at school, where your hormone levels fluctuate throughout your menstrual cycle. So you have, like a little peak in the middle of your cycle where we release an egg, and then the second half of our cycle, so the run up to our next period, we have a rise in progesterone, one of the hormones and a rise in oestradiol, which is the type of oestrogen, and the progesterone especially goes really high. And then just before our period. A few days before it crashes and goes down very quickly. So that going down very quickly affects every single cell in your body, but especially your brain. So, it's like your brain's going what's going on? So, you don't have the same dopamine, which is your reward hormone, you don't have the same serotonin, your happy hormone. There's other neurotransmitters in the brain that are affected by this big drop, and that manifests itself often with mood problems, a lot of people feel very low, very tearful, emotional, angry, irritable. Some people have physical symptoms. So sometimes people might have palpitations or joint pains or acne, hair might just look awful, you know, those sort of feelings, and it's all related to the change in hormones. But the problem is, because it's about women, it's just normalised. It's like, yeah, you will feel like that. But don't worry, it's only for a few days. Actually,like, if you've got really important interview or you're doing something really important, like, why should you feel not the best version of yourself because of your hormones. So often, when we see people in the clinic, we'll just give natural hormones, so different to contraception, it's like, replace like, for like, often start just with progesterone, because that's the biggest drop. And lots of people just take progesterone for those few days just to sort of stop that. So, plateau them a bit more the hormone levels, sometimes some natural oestrogen, oestradiol as well. And then people feel the same all the time, which is so much better, because often with age, it can get worse, and the symptoms can be more extreme

Fats Timbo [19.18] I feel like it is getting worse for me, it is. I think a lot of women would benefit from that because I don’t think they’re even aware of what’s going on. They just think it's just hormones.  

Dr Louise [19.27] Yeah, well, this is the thing. Oh, don't worry, she's just a hormonal woman. Just ignore her for a bit, and it's always a bit of a joke, but it's really difficult, and then when it's more extreme, so really has a big effect on people. It's often called PMDD, which is pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder, which basically means you're having a really terrible time, but a lot of people don't even join the dots and know that it's related to hormones. So, a lot of women are given antidepressants, or they're given contraception, which is a different type of hormone, and often it blocks like the serotonin - happy hormone, even more so people then feel worse. So giving natural hormones, and we've known it for decades, like for decades, people have written about it, talked about it, and I was actually reading about the history about it a few days ago, and the first time it was written about it went to a psychiatric journal, and the psychiatrist went, Oh, that's just Women's Health. We're not interested, the gynecologists who control women's health, because it's all about our periods, never read psychiatrist journals, so then they still don't think it's a real condition a lot of the time. I mean, it's a generalisation, of course, so women are just like, Well, who do I talk to? What do I do? How do I get help? But it's a real thing, and it's not just for the women like you say. It's like for everyone around us as well.

Fats Timbo [20.47] Yeah, it is, to understand what women go through, in terms of periods and things like that.

Dr Louise [20.52] So, my oldest daughter has PMDD, and she started off having hormones just for those few days, and now she has them throughout her cycle, but the same amount and it's the most natural way of producing your hormone, you know, making them level. Because, if you think, like, evolutionary women are designed to just get pregnant and have like, good level of hormones. We're not really designed to have periods every month, but the, it's the impact that it has on people and others is really, can be really difficult because they don't know what to do they you know?

Fats Timbo [21.25] We don’t know what do, like, it’s just happening, just these moods are coming up and like, I just feel low, everything is frustrating you know.

Dr Louise [24:29] But once people understand, you know, in medicine, we try and treat the underlying cause. You know, if you had low iron, I would give you iron. If you have low hormones at a certain time, we just give you hormones. But it's, it's very simplistic, and it's very simple, but the hardest thing is women actually being able to access treatment and talk about it to someone who understands.  

Fats Timbo [21.55] It is the access, I think education as well, um, but I think if we improve on the education, we can get better access to women.

Dr Louise [22.06] Yeah, course. Well, I think that's, that's what's changing, and I think that's totally what social media is doing as well, is that it's enabling people to have a voice, because they're learning from others, and that's something we didn't have before. You know, when I was a bit younger than you, we didn't have internet we didn't have phones, like we didn't know, we just did what our doctor told us to do, whereas now, if someone says to you, oh no, you're depressed, well, no, I'm not depressed. I'm low just before my period, but I'm not I don't need antidepressants. Then you'd probably go on social media and work out what others are doing and try and learn is that me? Could it be me? Could that treatment help? And that's how things are changing. And I think that's the only way things can change. Which is, which is good, actually. I mean, some people don't like it, but they don't have to follow you, or they don't have to learn from social media. Do they?

Fats Timbo [22:51]   I think social media is something that has changed society for the better and worse, but I think for the better in terms of education, people know so much now, they know about people, they know about hormones, they know about like diseases and just more aware about things. And I think it's saving a lot of lives, especially trying to search for things that might be wrong with them and then seeing communities that have the same condition as them. For me, personally, it's changed me as a person, because I never used to see people that looked like me whatsoever at all. And then when I went on social media and I saw people that looked like me, it was like, oh, I'm not the only one in the world who looks like me, so yeah it was really cool, it took me many, many years to realise that it wasn't just me that I had achondroplasia, my parents did tell me, but seeing is believing, you know, never saw people with achondroplasia on TV whatsoever, except from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, you know, so.

Dr Louise [24.06] That’s really empowering, one of the things in your book, you talk about your different commandments, which is great, and one of the ones I actually screenshotted because I really liked is about bullies. And when I was at boarding school, I was bullied a lot and found it really difficult. And some of the work I do now, I still get bullied, and it takes a lot of courage, actually, to not retaliate. But just what were the words that you use because they're great

Fats Timbo [24.30] Rise above, you have to rise above, because you don't want to stoop to their level, sometimes I would because I'm just angry that day, but most of the time, it's just effort, you know, I'm not gonna give them anything if they try to get a reaction, you know, and it's more of a them problem than you problem, you know. People that look at other people negatively and comment on them and try to make them feel less than, it's not right, and they don’t deserve good people's time at all.

Dr Louise [25.02] And the other thing you said was, if, if it's still happening, get help. And I like that, you know, if it's at school, talk to someone. Don't do it alone. And I thought that was really good advice as well.  

Fats Timbo [25.13] It was so important to share that, because I didn't do it alone. I don't if I would be here if I did it alone, I had a counsellor throughout primary school, secondary school, college, university. I had somebody that I could talk to about certain things.  Like I could say, this week, this person looked at me funny, or this this week, I was upset because so and so, I could let it all out instead of holding it in. I don't have one now. I should really, nut I’ve learnt so much about how to deal with my mental health, and I think as well, when I get overwhelmed and upset, I've learned that it's okay to cry like I used to think it was, you know, you're weak if you cry. But sometimes I'll just cry to Alan, and then he'll be my the shoulder to cry on basically, and he’s like It's okay, it's all right. My mum hates seeing me cry and she starts crying as well, then I start consoling her, I'm like who’s crying here? (Laughs) it's so annoying. But yeah, I hate seeing her upset, so I cry to Alan if I'm upset about things. And you know, that's like my therapy.

Dr Louise [26.32] Yeah, it's so important. So, before we end, I always ask for three take home tips. There's loads I loads of tips I want from you. But I think the three is how to be as positive as possible. Because you just, you know, there's so much positivity coming off you coming off your book. Like, what are the three tips for us to be more positive?

Fats [26.50]  First one is practice positive self-talk, whether that is telling yourself affirmations or telling yourself what you're grateful for in a negative situation, just practice that, and then that can really help you have a positive mindset, because then you're not seeing the negative side of life the glass is half full, not empty. Another one is surround yourself with positive people. When you're around negative people, they can really dampen your mood and everyone gets influenced by people. You know, if you're around positive people, then you know, the sky's your limit. Another one could be to go for your goals, no matter how hard it is, right? And it's easier said than done, but you've got to love the process, because that’s all we've got really because once the result happens, you're on to the next thing.  So, you've got to really love the process of what you're doing, and then you can reach for your goals.  

Dr Louise [28.02] Love it. Enjoy the journey and enjoy it when you get there as well.

Fats Timbo [28.05] Exactly – enjoy it when you get there, you have to embrace it, it’s so important  

Dr Louise [28.09] Yeah, oh, thank you. It's been great. Thanks ever so much for coming.  

Fats Timbo [28.13]Thank you for having me. I enjoyed this.

28.15 ENDS

‍